What is the single life like over the holidays?
Being single and the heaviness of heartache can be difficult during the holidays.
Are you single right now and dread the holidays being alone? Relationship collapse is never easy but when you are facing your first holiday without the one you love it can seem like a very dark place, even if you were the one to leave.
Almost 4 years ago I became separated. I spent the first two years of every holiday without a partner or even a date. Sometimes it was hard and other times, I didn’t mind it.
“Where you are now, is exactly where you should be. It’s only when you experience contrast do you understand there’s a wanting of something more. That’s your Spirit. Listen to you inner Spirit. It knows what’s best for you.” Unknown
You didn’t knw that your life as you knew it will be no more. You’re single now…
My home was the hub, the heart of the holidays, open house, some people would despair cooking for lots of people, I loved it. My home was always filled with friends, children, and family. This is part of the disappointment of a relationship break-down/separation/divorce, losing the extended family as well as your partner and all the traditions that you put in place over the years.
What did I do? What can you do?
I began embracing life as a single parent and to start new traditions, beginning with the service at the church on Christmas Eve, joining friends for drinks and then a quiet Christmas Day with my two boys. Quiet time became my sanctuary… life was different , better, hard , yet so peaceful. I distanced myself from the drama.
The old family will, unfortunately, move on and out as quickly as possible. And you are left to pick up the pieces. So I challenged myself to not let this defeat me. Looking back I found peace going to church, with new and old friends. My boys were a priority and making sure their Christmas was filled with love and special moments.
Relationships generally end just before the holidays for various reasons. So I understand that for those of you unsure how you are going to pick yourself up all I can say is that quivering mess that you are now, with your emotions and mind running wild will eventually fade. It does get better. You will find someone that is better for you. Trust. Have faith.
The first holiday alone is always the hardest try not to let depression take over. It’s so easy this time of year to turn to any substance to numb the pain. Try and force yourself to say yes to invitations, the more active and social you are, the better you will feel. You’ll be okay….
It’s too easy to sit at home safe in the comfort zone, particularly if you have children, as they won’t want to see you sad and upset, as broken as you feel you just have to keep going. Your children want you to be happy too.
The good news is you can start looking forward and planning a brand new year, challenges are what makes life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful but definitely not an easy process, in fact, it will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do…
So here are my tips:
- Ask for help if you are struggling
- Cry (you have too). Let out your emotions.
- Socialize as much as possible and say “Yes” to invitations
- Don’t fear change
- Set some new traditions
- Try & keep away from social media
- Get outdoors
- Curl up and read a NEW or old favorite book.
When someone you love leaves you. you may not know it now but the Pain will make you stronger, and heartbreaks make you wiser, so thank the past for a better future… Don’t let divorce & disappointment make you bitter, certain things that happen to hurt us are really just creating space for a better future. Sending you love, light and compassion. You’ve got this!My holiday gift to you is the gift of conversation. If you need support during a tough time, get in touch with me here.
Peace to you,
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