5 Ways to Honor and Remember Your Mother on Mother's Day

Hello and welcome to today's blog.

Honoring a loved one after a loss can be challenging. It's not easy to articulate what we want or need. That can change from one moment to the next, and years later too.

One single day can be filled with joy and grief at the same time.

It’s no mystery why this kind of loss hurts so much and takes so long to heal. Recovering from the loss of a mother, a maternal figure, or someone who provided you with the love you needed is a process that requires time. While Mother’s Day is generally considered a day of celebration, for many others it is a day of pain and loss for various reasons.

If this is your first Mother's Day dealing with your loss, go easy on yourself. If you don't feel like doing anything, that's okay too.

If you go online from a laptop or phone or are just engaged in the world, you know when it’s Mother’s Day season, especially at the grocery or corner store. But besides the holiday season, few things sting more than the first Mother’s Day without your mom. It’s just not the same, something’s missing.

When my mother passed in May of 2003, I was prepared to feel sad on that day or even a bit lost at times. I wasn’t ready to watch and witness other people with their moms or the commercialism leading up to the day. Even conversations around that day sometimes seemed to make my eyes well up. This has eased a lot, but despite time, there will be days when grief raises its head and reminds me of how much I miss her in the physical world.

I do feel the body has a way of tracking the lead-up to the month and time of a loved one's passing. Our brains and body systems can detect and instinctively track a particular time. Nearly prepared us for the day ahead rather than a more intense feeling of grief. This is why I feel it might surprise you that you may feel a bit of sadness around this time.

The picture above is one of my favorite pictures of my mother. She has instilled in me the best laugh—an unforgettable laugh and a smile that made you feel loved. I felt it, and everyone who knew her felt it.

Are you finding it difficult to honor your mother or motherly figure?

Try not to overthink it too much.

If you don’t know what to do, it is okay to honor and celebrate your mother in your own way, which can be as simple as thinking of her and a particular memory. Maybe consider doing something she enjoyed, or making a favorite meal or dessert. I found one of my mom's cookbooks and decided on homemade granola for breakfast. I'll also make her chicken soup this week, not just on the day. It's one way that helps to keep her memory alive, not just on Mother's Day but throughout the year too. I do spiritually connect with her all the time, but making a recipe is one way that I have a different connection with her.

Permit yourself to do whatever you feel is right and good for you.

Perhaps a simple gesture with her in mind. It doesn’t have to be anything too fancy or something that would be too much for you. I remember lighting a candle for my mom at home and resting it beside a picture of us together. I even put on one of her rings and still wear it occasionally.

Anytime you show your love for your mother in some way, it helps to keep, her in your heart. There's no need to reserve it for or complete it on ONE specific day. I also like to check in with my brother and sister on that day and throughout the year on special days unique to us. We all need a community to care for our losses and others too.

Please remember that no matter how big or small, as a way to continue celebrating her life, it’s possible to bring some love, memories, and goodness to the day. The gift of empathy is incredibly powerful and makes a world of difference.

How can you honor and remember this day in a way that feels right and good for you?

1. Gathering with family at a favorite restaurant, sharing stories, and your love for her.

2. Plant a tree or a favorite flower in her honor. Our family planted a lilac tree on our property. Even if I’ve moved, I always plant a lilac in her honor.

3. Light a candle in her honor.

4. If there’s a specific burial in her honor, place flowers, a dime, or a candle.

5. Visit a special location that she loved and spend some time reflecting on your shared memories.

6. Bonus: Play a favorite song in her honor. Joy, happines ,and playfulness are included in this day, it too.

Each year forward usually gets a little easier. Happy memories do have a way of finding their way back into your mind. Her smile, her laugh, her stories, and her unique qualities.

Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting, either. You carry her with you in your heart, your memories intertwined forever. It’s a soul bond that you hold together. Your memories are a collection of moments in time, some challenging, some insightful, ever-so-wonderful, and simple ones that are magical beyond words.

Remember to take care of yourself. Over the years, I've expressed this to many friends and clients, and I appreciate the reminders and help. Nature nurtures us in the most wonderful way that can't be duplicated by a phone, monitor, or TV. Even if you don't feel like it, you'll thank me and yourself when you do. (Please make sure you're getting support in the way that you deserve and need.),

Nature nurtures...

Take a moment on this particular day, whether in the sunlight, a little rain, or a walk to a park. Look up, way, way up into the sky and beyond. You never know what your eyes will wander upon and catch as a reminder that her spirit is alive in many other ways. Whether it’s a red cardinal, a white dove, a robin, a blackbird, a blue jay, or even an owl, our loved ones look over you, stand by you, and let you know in some way that they are with you. Sometimes it’s a visual representation, a feeling, a knowing, or even a dream.

A reflective exercise to consider…

Memories bring the past to the present moment. What are your favorite memories, stories, celebrations, wisdom, quotes, or words you smile at? Jot down anything in a journal or a notepad that’s heartwarming, funny, or that you can remember how she helped you. I wrote in a journal after my mother’s passing, and it’s always lovely to look back at what I wrote, place, and add more to the stories. It’s nice to share them too. My mom told a few jokes over the years, and I love to remember one she shared, her love of music (Bonnie Raitt, The Irish Rovers, C.C.R., and Anne Murray, too). You could use a bookmark in your journal associated with a particular memory.

She’ll always be with you.

A favorite poem I found for this message today.

When you’re a child she walks before you

To set an example.

When you’re a teenager she walks behind you

To be there should you need her.

When you’re an adult she walks beside you

So that as two friends you can enjoy life together.

—Unknown

As you navigate this day and your loss, may that path be gentle, loving, and healing. If anything, I hope that what I learned from my experience from 2003 until now is how to advocate for myself and pass that along to others in the best way I can.

Feel free to share with me how you prefer to celebrate this day in the comments below or email me at christie@christieflynn.com.

Thank you for joining today's blog and message. I hope that it has helped you in some way.

Sending love,

Christie

www.christieflynn.com

Recommended books:

Healing After the Loss of Your Mother by Elaine Mallon (I refer back to this one from time to time.

Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief – David Kessler (This one is best on audible. He has a soothing voice. He's written a few books on grief which helped with his grief recovery after the loss of his wife).

Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief by Martha Hickman

Navigating Grief: A Guided Grief Journal: Book with therapeutic writing prompts to help heal after experiencing the loss of a loved one – By Xeroxfour Publishing

I use journals for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it helps to put pen to paper as a way of giving experience a place to land. It's a form of writing therapy for the mind, body, spirit, and soul.

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